She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
