So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
