She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
