like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
