Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize