You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
