you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
