I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Drunk is a universal language darling
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
