I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
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