i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
