All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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