I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
