allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
pray to the hookup gods
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
