i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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