the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize