Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
