why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
