I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
