her vagine was all disorganized.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
