Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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