UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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