I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
