Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
vagina is talking i cant
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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