Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
