u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
