Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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