and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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