Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
