Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
