She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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