The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
