found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
