I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
