Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
