I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
