i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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