she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
im on a boat
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