so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
