I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
