oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
