my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
