I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
