Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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