you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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