just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize