I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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