He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
