The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
