every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Your cock deserves a montage
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize