just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
