my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
