Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
