I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
