nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
