Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
