First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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