My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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