i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
