At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
