Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
