i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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