Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
a search helicopter?!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
