thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
