Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
please come you make the beer taste better
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
