I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
