Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
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