bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
