No stitches, just platelets and will power
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
