So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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