and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize