my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
