my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
