tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
