seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
is wine microwaveable?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Randomize
