I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
