dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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