Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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