Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
party gras won. party gras always wins.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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