I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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