I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my phone needs a breathalizer
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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