i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
