I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
