Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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