you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
