I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
