So drunk its hurt
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
