I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Congratulations! We have a period
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize