So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
