Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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