I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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