I'm going to jail i love you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
