Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
wow bdsm is so cute
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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