PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
