R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We need to get me chipped asap
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