Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Pants are for mortals
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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