So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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