feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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