All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
