that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
