If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My pussy is not your playground.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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