i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
