Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize