MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
