Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
