i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
