he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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