would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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