SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
