And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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