thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
