Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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